I have a deep dark secret.

I have a deep dark secret. I have an overwhelming amount of baby items. I am kind of embarrassed by it actually, which is why I don’t really talk about it. Some of my friends and family knows that I have acquired quite a few things but I don’t think they know the full extent. When I was doing fertility treatments, like any normal person would be, naturally, I was excited. I thought fertility treatments meant it was a for sure thing. I put my thrifty habits to good use and got all the best deals on baby stuff. I got a bassinet, crib, rocking chair, diaper genie, boppy pillows, reusable diapers, and enough clothes for multiples. Because, well, that’s what I was told to mentally prepare for; multiples. So, I have boy clothes, girl clothes, everything ranging from newborn to 12 months. I have winter clothes, summer clothes, you name it, I probably have it. I even went so far as to set up a nursery. I had everything perfectly in place. All that was missing was the baby. Months and months went by. Still no baby. I finally couldn’t handle knowing that behind that bedroom door was that nursery. I packed everything up and put it in our crawl space downstairs. Alongside my feelings, I just didn’t want to deal with it. More months passed and the baby stuff remained untouched. As I worked through my feelings, I decided to sell some of the stuff. It felt good to give it to someone who was going to actually use it. I then decided that the stuff was not doing any harm by being downstairs and that I would work through it/sell it as I was emotionally ready to. It has now been a year and a half since I stopped fertility treatments. Wow, that is kind of crazy to think that it was that long ago. However, I know I have come along way with my ability to process that journey. Just the other day I was able to sell my crib, bassinet, and a big box of random items and clothing. I was very happy to give it to someone who was going to actually use it. It feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Well, some of the weight anyways. I never realized how impactful materials have on someone emotionally and mentally as well. I still have quite a bit of a stash of baby stuff but again, I will continue to work through it at my own pace. I had mentioned enthusiastically to a co worker that I was selling some of my baby stuff and she looked at me very sadly. I looked at her and said, “Hey, you gotta find joy in something right?” And that’s exactly it. I am finding joy in the little accomplishments.

And for now,

Xoxo