It's Not You. It's Me.

Many people have asked me if I get jealous in my time of infertility. How does it make me feel when I see other people with pregnancy announcements or posts with new babies arriving? My answer to them is simple, and it’s what I truly believe. “They are on their path and I am on mine. What they do does not have anything to do with my path.” This is so very true. Them getting pregnant did not “take it away” from me. Their baby wasn’t mine or meant for me. Their husband didn’t try to get me pregnant too. I mean, all of this sounds actually pretty ridiculous when you say it out loud. But I am too much of a realist to see it any other way. However, I have a confession to make, I am human with real emotions. Now, I even struggle to write this because I would never ever want anyone to feel bad or feel like they need to hide something from me. My feelings do not need to be sheltered. Being pregnant and having babies is a natural part of daily life. But, as time goes on, it hurts a little more. When I see an announcement, yes, I am absolutely happy for them, truly, but a part of my heart physically hurts. It’s not a jealous pain, it’s a sadness. It’s a trigger into my journey and the pain associated with that. The pain stems from all the terrible situations; all the negative pregnancy tests and empty ultrasounds. It’s all the times the doctors have been hopeful, and it’s all the times the doctors have been silent. It forces me to remember those times even though I try not to think of them on a daily basis. I feel like many people don’t know how to respond to someone with infertility. Infertility is much more common than you may realize. You might even have friends that struggle, but are not open about it. It’s a very personal subject with many emotions and that’s why people don’t want to talk about it. But, I am speaking up because I feel like some things need to be said and need to be heard. So if you have been pregnant or have had a baby, it’s ok. Don’t hide it from those that are struggling, that actually hurts more. Please don’t complain to us, because we would truly encounter any pain plus more to have our constant emotional pain taken away. But please, don’t feel bad or guilty; but do be compassionate, and do be respectful. Children are an absolute blessing that some people are fortunate enough to have. And for some people, children are an absolute blessing that they are not fortunate enough to have.

And for now,

Xoxo