IVF Series: 2

As I approached the door to the treatment center, my anxiety began to set in. So many unanswered questions, so much emotional pain was all rushing back into my body. Triggers from the past were sending me into a frenzy. I grabbed Brock’s hand and we went through the door. Sitting in the waiting room was a very odd feeling. Because this place is specifically for fertility treatments, everyone in the waiting room was in the same boat. My other doctor was OBGYN so there was always a pregnant lady sitting next to me. In theory, you would think that that was more painful, however, that became normal. Now, as I wait in this waiting room, knowing that everyone else had problems too was abnormal for me. As we met with the doctor, his kind eyes and knowledge was a peaceful omen. As he talked about Endometriosis, he did not seem phased at the difficulty of it at all. Scientifically he explained that the egg was going through this obstacle course (Endometriosis) and it was getting bogged down the further it continued on that path. Once the sperm hits it, it is already so incredibly weak from going through all this other garbage that it can’t survive. So, through IVF, if it is taken out of that environment and strength is built up, it can be inserted back in where it can go to its new home successfully. In theory, this sounds excellent. As he talked about the process with such ease, it really made me comfortable. It made me feel like maybe my situation wasn’t the worse he’s seen. It made me feel like maybe I was going to be ok. It has been very hard not to be happy. I went into this consultation knowing I was going to be guarded and I was ok with that. But, it's hard to explain, but I don’t necessarily feel like I need to be guarded anymore for some reason. It’s almost just a surreal feeling I guess. I went from being accepting of my doggy lifestyle, and enjoying the little moments of not having human children to now I am having to change my thinking again. If all goes well in the first round, which the doctor seemed very confident on, then baby would be before we know it.

And for now,

Xoxo