Life After IVF: 1

So I am kind of in a weird transition right now. I am still weaning off my meds yet I am now with my OBGYN doctor and not my IVF doctor. We had our first appointment with my original doctor today and it felt great! Brock was allowed to come with and he got to see for the very first time a tiny little human on the screen! They even did the 3d image which was….kind of creepy? But kind of cool. As the baby grows and I see more ultrasounds, it becomes more real for me. I am still trying to work through many of my emotions. I have noticed that I have been feeling very down about myself since being pregnant. It’s kind of weird because I thought all the self consciousness about weight would magically go away. But, instead I just feel fat. I know the baby is tiny so why do I look so huge? Also, I am still very sick so I can’t get as much done in the day. It is frustrating because I am used to doing everything around the house. I take pride in keeping my house clean and feel accomplished when I get stuff done. Now, I just feel lazy. I take naps everyday and sometimes even showering is a chore in itself. Brock has been supportive and understands that sometimes it just doesn’t happen in the day. It’s the pressure that I put on myself. Isn’t it kind of funny how the person who is hardest on us is in fact ourselves? Why is that? We need to take note from other people and stop being so hard on ourselves. Why is it that I am so quick to offer up someone else to take a break or slow down but for me it’s not allowed? This is something that I need to start working on. I have been forced to slow down these last few months. Between taking extra precautions with Covid and doing IVF, I have really slowed down quite a bit. But again, I have felt guilty about it. It’s like my friend keeps telling me, “You’re growing a freaking human.” That’s what I need to remember. This is my main job right now. I need to remain relaxed and healthy to help this baby grow. Because after all, I am growing a freaking human.

And for now,

Xoxo