Life After IVF: 19

I am starting to resemble a beached whale. Physically, the total composition of my body has been reconfigured. I mean, I knew this would happen, I just didn’t quite think it through I guess. I have heard about swollen feet and back aches and such but kind of just passed it off because I really couldn’t relate. Now, I totally get it. A few weeks ago, the swollen feet thing happened out of nowhere. I had been sitting in a chair with my feet down most of the day and at the end of the day I took my slippers off and staring back at me were clown feet! They were puffed up, my ankles had disappeared somewhere between here and there. They didn’t “hurt”, just the skin felt super restricted and tight. With the added weight, the back ache really just kind of started. It is becoming more difficult to sleep and put my socks on. This total reconfiguration of my body has made me realize that I definitely do not want to live permanently like this. My body isn’t supposed to be this heavy. It has totally taken a toll on me. It makes me realize that I actually was fairly healthy before this, which I didn’t think I was. And now, after baby, I will definitely do my best to get back to being healthy. Now, I know it’s tough and I’m not looking for a miracle. I really just want to get back to a healthy weight where my body isn’t limited like it is right now. I know a lot of the struggle is from how the weight is being carried. It’s all in my front, like a hard basketball, which is why I can’t bend down, etc. In the meantime, I am trying to stretch and walk a few times a week. I have heard that that helps with the labor and delivery process. While struggling with infertility, I always dreamt of what pregnancy would be like. I thought it would be this magical time where you didn’t care about your weight and just ate whatever you want. I mean, that’s kind of true if you want it to be. But, for me I really struggled at the beginning. Before the predominant “baby bump” appeared, I just felt fat. I was self conscious and didn’t really know how to handle it. Now that I am very noticeably pregnant, I can honestly say I still struggle sometimes. For me right now it’s my face though. I expect my belly to get bigger and many people even say that I look so cute (and sometimes I even think I do!). But, my face….I mean, how do you avoid that? I’ve spent the majority of my life (and many women do too) feeling insecure, feeling fat, or feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. So, I guess I can’t really expect to change a mindset that has been on the forefront for so long. I would say though, in the last few years I have really accepted my weight. I started eating healthier only a couple years ago and I think that helped a lot. My tip to eating healthy is to eat the healthy foods you like. I don’t waste my time (or money) on forcing myself to eat something I don’t like. I like raw carrots, so I eat those. I don’t like broccoli, so I don’t eat it. It’s that simple. Also, a couple years ago, I did a 7 day detox through my chiropractor and wow that changed my life. Previous to that, I was in constant pain; joint pain, inflammation, etc everyday. After I did the detox I felt more alive. I figured, I can do anything for 7 days. And I am sure glad I did. I think about this added weight and limitations now with my pregnancy and can’t even imagine what it would be like for someone who is severely overweight or unhealthy to begin with. So I guess when I reflect on it, I have to remember that it is temporary and it’s ok. And then, just as the world turns, when it comes time, I will get back to my healthy weight.

And for now,

Xoxo