Life After IVF: 20

Between Covid and the freezing cold weather, I feel like I am on bed rest. I still go a couple places here and there but even that has been limited quite a bit. Physically, it is just getting more difficult to do things so going to a store isn’t exactly fun anymore. I started doing most of my grocery shopping through curbside which has been amazing. I love that I can just pick out what I need all while I am at home and don’t waste time in an actual store. Also, it is nice to have someone else load up the groceries in my trunk and then all I have to do is unload it when I get home. The other day it was pretty handy; I got groceries and dinner all in 15 minutes without even leaving my car. And yes, I was in my pajamas. I don’t put on regular clothes if I am just running to do a curbside pick up. Do you? I’m already wearing a winter coat so in my mind no one will notice..right? Until the weather gets nicer. Then I will have to actually get dressed….maybe. I am starting to get used to staying at home without feeling guilty or purposeless. I decided to write a weekly to do list. It’s just things like cleaning the bathrooms and changing the bed sheets that I just can’t seem to remember when it gets done. Being home more, I know I have time to get these things done weekly, especially when they are spread throughout the week. For example, on Sunday I change the bed sheets, Monday I wash the bath towels, Tuesday I clean the bathrooms, Wednesday I vacuum, etc. I am not sure how well organized or if I will be able to keep this up when I have the baby, but for now it’s a nice change! Right now it’s a way for me to stay on track with the housework so it doesn’t seem as overbearing. I used to just do it whenever I felt like it and I would do it all in one day on my day off. I didn’t mind it because there wasn’t that much and once it was done I was free of it for awhile. But now, there is no way I could do that! I get out of breath just walking up stairs or bending down to pick things up. I am trying not to get frustrated with myself and understand that it’s temporary but I do get frustrated. The other day I couldn’t even open the door to the garage because the handle was stuck and I was too weak. I’m not sure if it was because of the cold or my increasing amounts of Estrogen but I was very upset. It is such a basic thing that I couldn’t do. Brock doesn’t really understand, and I don’t really know how to help him understand. Nothing has changed for him; he still goes to work and comes home to a clean house and dinner on the table. I talk to him about how I feel etc, but all he sees is a wife who is progressively getting larger by the minute and potentially more emotional as well. He has done a very good job with the emotions part. I mean, he married me, nothing is new about that. Through this pregnancy I have actually been pretty good, there have just been some moments of outburst. As the weeks go by, I just keep trying to adjust and do what I can. And even though right now these weeks feel like months, we will look back and realize just how fast it actually went by.

And for now,

Xoxo