Life After IVF: 24

I’m almost 39 weeks and going to the doctor weekly at this point. Nothing too exciting is happening except the waiting game. There have been a couple minor signs that something is at least starting. But, in all reality it’s only a few more weeks at most. This will end. But it’s hard. It’s very hard. I never understood why pregnant ladies were so cranky and looked miserable. Yup, I get it now. I am one of those. I am in the most pain in my entire life. Day after day. Now, my left hand is just as bad as my right hand. I can’t feel anything in my fingers at this point. Also, I am having extreme carpal tunnel/arthritis pain in the hands as well. My knees are having that same kind of extreme pain so it’s very hard to get around. I can’t believe I am looking forward to the day I go into labor. That is supposed to be “the most painful thing you will ever experience.” But at least it’s an intense process and then it’s done. I have started tidying up a bit more and just getting the little details around the house ready to go. I guess you could say I am nesting but to be honest I find it kind of embarrassing. I feel like I am preparing for my death. Trying to get things done around the house not “for the baby” but simply because I don’t know the next day I will be able to. With the increasing amount of pain that I am in everyday, I just feel like I need to get stuff done before I just can’t do it anymore. I guess I thought it would be a lot more of an exciting time not this variation of emotions. We did decide to write down guesses of the date and weight because, well, just because it’s fun to place bets on the fat lady. So as you can see by the picture the countdown starts today. I guessed today, I don’t think it will happen but...wishful thinking I guess. Ha! The pregnant lady would be the first guess! I am very excited though, I think about just finally being able to hold him. I think about the joy of bringing him home and seeing the pups for the first time. Whatever pain is in the healing process I feel like I will just be so happy he’s here. And, I know we will just be so busy caring for him and loving him that it won’t even matter. Which leads me to my next thought. This blog. I have so greatly appreciated all the support from my readers. I feel like I have brought the awareness to infertility in the only ways I know how. I think I will have to take a break from writing. I know I am going to be playing the waiting game, but not sure how long. But, after that I know it’s going to be life changing. I have worked through so many emotions and hard times through this blog and I know there will be more challenging times to come. So I won’t stop writing. But for now, we wait.

And for now,

Xoxo