Life After IVF: 4

Today, Trooper had to have his tail amputated. He had a non cancerous cyst that was growing quickly. A couple years ago it was able to be drained and maintained quite small up until a few months ago. Anytime any of my dogs have issues it is always hard for me. But, with Trooper, it hurts just a little more. He is my first child, my protector, he is always there for me. I absolutely can’t even think about when he passes away. That is honestly one of the only things in my life I can’t even possibly begin to imagine. I won’t even go there because I know it is going to be tremendously devastating. I know to some people dogs are just dogs. Or maybe they are just pets. But for me, it doesn’t matter if a human baby is on the way, he will always be a priority. It’s kind of funny because I am having a bit of a dilemma. I have been planning Trooper’s 10th birthday party for the last year or so. (He turns 10 in like 2 years lol) I have already made it up in my mind that I am throwing him a huge party with family etc. Well, now, baby is due in April and Trooper’s birthday is in April. So now, his 10th birthday will fall on baby’s 1st birthday. Does your first child really need a first birthday party?? In all seriousness it will probably be dog themed for Trooper and they will just have to share. (But mostly for Trooper) This is how much that big tub means to me! Baby was kind of crazy the other day. I was driving home from work and I felt this massive flutterly sort of feeling I can’t really explain. I think it may have been some kicks! It was kind of cool! I am definitely showing more and strangers are starting to notice. A customer at work overheard me talking with another one of our regular customers and felt the need to chime in and say she thought I was having a boy based off of how I looked! I mean, these conversations are so normal in society, it’s just weird that they are talking about me. With the constant surging of hormones, this pregnancy has been so up and down. Some days I have this wonderful experience or conversations with others like I mentioned above and other days I don’t feel pregnant at all. Some days I just feel nothing. A part of me starts to worry; thinking that something is wrong with the baby. In IVF, everyday, every moment was some big event, so I guess it’s just a matter of realizing not everyday is some crazy extravaganza. It’s just hard when that is what I am used to. Everything has been a constant learning process. I am so grateful and so blessed to be in this position; being a mom. What a wonderful blessing.

And for now,

Xoxo