Reserved Parking.

Every time I pull into the grocery store parking lot, which is like twice a week mind you, I am constantly reminded. I see this close parking space open and it’s a very nice gesture don’t get me wrong, but I can’t park there. The sign clearly says “Reserved Parking for new and expecting mothers” As I park further away and my cramps are paralyzing, I slowly walk to the entrance. Because Endometriosis has no mercy. It doesn’t matter what day it is, I still need groceries. I try not to dwell on my illness and I try not to let it bother me. But it is very difficult when it doesn’t matter where you go (even the grocery store), there it is, staring you in the face. I feel like when people are reading this, they have many thoughts and questions, maybe even some judgement. Hey, we’re all humans here. But one of the questions I ask myself when looking back at the darkness of my journey is, “How DID I manage to get through it in a positive way?” I know that I bring a lot of “sunshine” as my mom refers to it to people’s lives. I feel like I walk around joking and smiling most of the time. But is it genuine? Heck yes it is genuine. If you know me, I am not one to fake my emotions. Yes, we all have our inner struggles and no our lives are not perfect by any means. And honestly, sometimes I even amaze myself. So how am I getting through this? Well, I know not everyone reading this is religious and that is okay. But for me personally, I do believe that God has played a huge role and helped me stay emotionally stable through this healing process. Also, when these constant reminders come up in my everyday life, I have gotten pretty good at handling it. Instead of crying, or feeling sorry for myself, which can easily be my first instinct sometimes, I choose happiness. I think through handling these little battles in a positive way, it has helped me worked through the bigger issue at hand. Now, when I see this sign I smile and think to myself, “One day I will park there.” But it’s not the “one day” that you may be thinking? Oh no, I am too much of a realist to think that I could actually have the luxury of being pregnant and having my own children. No, this “one day” is the next time I have my period. The next time I am in excruciating pain and can barely walk to the entrance but I still have to get groceries. I will park there. Because even though I am not a new or expecting mother, my body still deserves a break too. And parking in that parking spot will show that I finally have the courage to say, “That’s ok.”

And for now,

Xoxo