Those small moments can be big moments.

My nephew celebrated his first birthday the other day. We went to a party for him and it hit me in a way I wasn’t expecting. Some people wonder why even have such a big party for a one year old. It’s not like they are going to remember it. But as I stood there in the kitchen watching everyone hovered around a little boy in a highchair, beaming at his every move, I had a realization. It’s not for the baby. Yes, it’s about the baby, but it’s not for them. It’s actually for the parents. It’s a day to remember how only just a year ago there was this potentially catastrophic event but yet somehow they survived it. It’s a time to celebrate just how far they have come in such a short period of time. So many ups and downs. Moments of laughter and moments of tears. And taking a look at this pure blessing in front of them, a glimpse at what the future might hold. Also, as I stood there, I realized the emotions that I was personally having, or more like the emotions I wasn’t having. I wasn’t sad or heartbroken. I wasn’t distracted by my own grief. When struggling with infertility it was excruciating to go to any of those kinds of events; baby showers, birthdays, even just going to the park. For me, in those times it wasn’t jealousy. For me it was a reminder. A reminder of what I didn’t have that I so longed for. I got to a point where I just really didn’t even want to go but I plastered on a fake smile and acted like my usual “bubbly self” to camouflage my true feelings that were just too difficult to explain. But now, Mason is the light that has emerged from the darkness. He brings joy so that we can celebrate life. This event was a breakthrough for me without me even knowing it. It was a realization that there has been a shift. My sadness has been replaced with happiness. And as I stood there in the kitchen watching everyone hovered around a little boy turning one, we celebrated life. And we celebrated happiness.

And for now,

Xoxo