Trooper. A love that surpasses all.

Trooper was feeling a bit off. He wasn’t as interested in food. I have always joked and said that if he ever missed a meal something was wrong. Well, that day has come. The day that I have dreaded. Dreaded so much in fact that I have just completely pushed it off in my mind, unable to even think about it. I don’t know how I could even have a thought about Trooper passing away. I don’t know what I would do without him. I took him to the vet and they had discovered that he has a very aggressive form of Lymphoma and only had a few weeks to live. I brought him home but he just still was off. It’s like everyday has gotten worse, and so fast. It’s all happening too quickly. I have known Trooper longer than I’ve known my husband. Trooper has been there for me in so many parts of my life. I got him 9 years ago. I still remember that day. I went to the humane society and he hopped up in a chair next to me and gave me one look. That was it. I knew we were meant to be together. There is something about him where it seems like he actually understands what you are saying. I can’t say the same thing about every dog. This guy is different. He has literally been an emotional support dog for me. He has slept in my bed every night for the last 9 years. He always comes waltzing in when I’m in the kitchen making food, or even just wiping off the counters. Throughout the day, he is always making sure I am okay. He will typically just sit on his chair, but he always needs to know where I am, and also in his line of vision. If I move somewhere he can’t see me for an extended period of time, he will come find me. He literally is a part of me. I feel like I am losing myself as I watched him slip away. The thought of him being gone makes me feel like throwing up. I barely eat; nothing tastes good. I sleep, but only because I am taking sleeping pills, otherwise my heart just aches. It’s a pain that I’ve never felt before. A true loss. I can not imagine my life without him, and I just keep telling myself it’s ok to not be okay. Mason was actually born on Trooper’s “birthday.” I had this elaborate plan that they would have a big birthday party together. It was going to be dog themed. I joked to Brock and said it’s Trooper’s birthday party and we are just tagging Mason on. All of those thoughts hurt too much to even bear right now. I know I don’t have to try to figure out what my life will look like without him. I don’t have to figure out how I will get through even the most basic tasks without him by my side. I am in so much pain, I tell myself I don’t ever want to have another pet because this hurts too much. But it doesn’t matter. Trooper is irreplaceable. I think it’s called a “heart dog.” It’s an incredible dog that comes into your life and they are your soulmate. They offer a love and companionship that no one else ever can. The love that Trooper has for me is so strong, anyone can see it. And they do. My mom will say, “Trooper loves his Melody.” Even the vet has said, “the way he looks at you with such love…” There is an undeniable chemistry between us. I’ve never loved someone as much. I am feeling so lost, so broken, and so devastated. There are literally no words to describe the great heartache that I feel. And through all of this, Trooper was still concerned about me. He was still looking for my approval. He was too loyal to let himself go without me saying it’s ok. I told him that I need him, but if he needs to go I understand and will try to figure it out. I don’t know how, I really don’t know.

And for now,

Xoxo