What's Next: Two.

After much deliberation, and by deliberation I mean battling countless thoughts in my mind, I finally decided I could give it another try. It took my body quite a long time to heal from the first time but I feel like now I am at a good place. I finally mustered up enough courage to call the IVF doctor. Because we moved, we needed to find a new place and that wasn’t an easy task. I didn’t like our previous doctor in MN so I was thrilled to get out of there! After finding a new place, I called to make an appointment. This was in September of 2022. They told me the next available appointment for even just a CONSULTATION would be APRIL of 2023. Talk about a massive punch to the gut. I had just finally sorted through my emotions of even making this decision only to be told I had to wait another 7 months just to be seen. However, there was a small loop hole. I could get put on the waitlist for a potential earlier appointment. All I had to do was wait by my phone 8am-5pm Monday through Friday and answer if they called. She said they wouldn’t leave a message so you either answer, or you lose your opportunity for a closer date. So there I sat by my phone. Just like anything, I made it a mission to get that date bumped up. Not because I wanted another baby instantly, but because my mind was already made up. Every few weeks they would call. First, bumped up to February, then December. December rolled around and we had our first appointment. I thought the anxiety of waiting would finally subside but the pain was far from over. In fact, it had only just begun.

December’s appointment went great. They were definitely someone I trusted. We just needed to coordinate shipping our embryos from the Minnesota facility to this new place. Once the embryos were here I would feel much better. Yay. We ended that appointment on a high.

January 2023

All of our pre labs checked out great and we were onto the next step. I needed to have a hysteroscopy done, which is basically just a 3D scan to make sure everything is all good. This new place also had me come in for a mock embryo transfer. Everything was the same as a normal transfer, just….no transfer involved. I drank all the water, and wow did I have to pee. I had the hysteroscopy done and then it was time for the mock transfer. She guided her little tube through the pathway and found a good route. Kinda like when you used to draw with a pencil on a road map of what the best route would be. I think Brock’s family used to use a red crayon. Anyways, red crayon, or tube, she figured it out. I was finally feeling relieved and able to breathe. And then she told me something that completely shattered me.

She told me she had to take a leave of absence and wouldn’t be around for the next few months. Oh, and her partner doctor also had decided he was going to retire the same exact time as her being gone so yup. The place was basically shutting down. She told me “Call in May, but it might be June, but call in May.”

What the heck was I supposed to do with myself for the next 4 months?

I went home and cried. This is the raw truth about infertility. You have to wait for everyone else’s lives to be in order before you can proceed with yours.

And for now,

Xoxo