What's Next: Three.

May 2023

After 4 long months of waiting, it was finally May! I hope my doctor is back and ready because I am most definitely ready now. I slowed down my business, sold basically all my inventory so I can focus on IVF. I don’t need to be stressed over little one dollar items when I got baby things to do. I called on “cycle day 1” like I was supposed to. The receptionist told me my doctor was back and “everything was good to go.” Whatever that meant! I was elated and went on my day. I knew I should be cautiously optimistic, but for once, I just wanted to be optimistic. I then received a voicemail (yup I ditched sitting by my phone day and night) that I needed to schedule a “what’s next” appointment. I called them back to set that up. She goes, “Ok, so the first available appointment I have is August 27th.” I blacked out. Not literally, but pretty much. I said, “I’m sorry, what?” How could they make me wait for 4 months only to now have to wait another 3 more months just for some measly “what’s next” appointment? I already know what’s next. I take a bunch of drugs, drink a bunch of water, and you stick it in there. I don’t need 3 months and a $300 bill to tell me what’s next. Then she tells me I can get on the wait list, all I have to do is sit by my phone 8-5 Monday through Friday in hopes that they bump me up. And I am triggered all over again. How could this be happening? My world immediately started spinning. I just sold all my inventory, I didn’t announce anything, which is a good thing, but what am I going to do with myself? I could buy more stuff to sell but I don’t want to! This desire has been crafted over much deliberation and agonizing thoughts only to be ripped away from me not only once but twice. I just keep getting knocked down. Over and over. When we did IVF with Mason it was during Covid and that wasn’t even as long of a wait as this. I feel like the universe is telling me not to do it. Should I just throw in the towel? Am I just not good enough to be a Mom of 2 kids? I know it’s “only 3 months” but when the desire is there, it feels like an eternity. And again, I am at the mercy of someone else to decide my fate. But I won’t give up. I am a fighter. So I will sit by my phone day and night……and I will wait.

And for now,

Xoxo