Which one is yours? None of them.

There have been many times where I have social anxiety about a child related activity. Early on in my journey I made a vow that regardless of my personal outcome I wouldn’t let it affect my relationship with my nieces and nephew. There were times where I would sit on a park bench with my sister and watch the kids play. I always imagined that I would be the cool mom with the leggings, messy bun, and coffee in her hand. But instead, yes I am in leggings, messy bun, and coffee in my hand, but no kids. In a crowd full of kids on the playground, I look out and see nothing. I have no emotional connection with the children playing. A part of me feels like I don’t belong. Recently I helped out at Oliver’s Christmas party at school. As I pulled into the parking lot I saw many other cars flocking in as well. My nerves began to set in as I started walking towards the door. I saw moms hugging and greeting their kids. And then there was me. I didn’t even know his teacher’s name or where I was going. For an instant, I kind of wanted to turn around and leave but instead I decided to talk myself through it and embrace it. Who cares if I didn’t know where I was going? I’m just the cool Aunt. And even though all those children running around the hallways were a blur, I just kept walking. And when I got in the classroom and saw him, all my nerves went away. I am glad I stayed and conquered my fears. We had fun hooking candy canes and throwing cotton balls. He must of liked me there because he stayed at my game station most of the time. Not to brag, but my station was getting quite the attention. You could definitely tell I didn’t have children because our game got to recess volume real fast. The teacher even came over one time. I just laughed because no one was harming anyone. And really, who cares? I am just the cool Aunt.

And for now,

Xoxo